PORK 'N BEAN MUSINGS....IN THE ATTIC

A cold norther has blown into town on this,

the second day after Christmas, and things 

being much quieter by far since the kids have

all gone home, I'm sitting up here in my cozy

attic, a little log in the woodstove, the wind 

whistling around the house, the old mulberry

branch slapping under the window, and I'm

studying my larder shelf of canned goodies!

I was cozied here, having coffee from an heirloom 

chrome percolator, vintage 1960's, and just

relaxing---taking a break from reading "The

Poetry of William Carlos Williams," my eyes 

settled on (why I do not know)--- a can of Van

Camp's Pork 'n Beans.

(Those of you who have kept up with my. attic

stories know that I have a  "knocked -together"

rustic raw wood pine shelf filled with Wolf's

chili, Hormel tamales, canned tuna, canned

salmon ((small cans---which I eat "raw")),

Vienna sausage, Dinty Moore Beef Stew, and

sardines in tomato sauce!) Plus SPAM.

The age-old question was nagging at my 

mind: "Where is the PORK...in those pork-

and beans?" You'd think Van Camps, with 

their excellent, amazing product would---of 

all companies---show the world---SOME 

PORK!

I know, I know---what you're going to say---

"Hey, haven't you seen that little tiny square 

white thing, amongst the beans? You dummy,

THAT is the pork!" "Doncha know?!"

All possible joking and levity aside, let's 

be serious.  "From time immemorial,"  as they 

love to say at weddings, pork 'n  beans seem

to have been with us.

Even before some West Texas highways were

paved, and when gas pumps were uprights;

and there were no McDonald's, and people 

didn't have the money anyway---filling stations 

all sold cheese, crackers, and pork 'n beans.

A self-respecting hunter of half a century ago

and earlier would not have been found in the

wild without his can(s) of beans, Vienna sausages,

an onion, and maybe some crumbled crackers

in his old kit bag.

Sometime later, a miracle occurred in the halls

of Van Camp Company. Some innovative young

outdoorsman invented (TA DUM, TA DUM !!!

DRUM ROLL) ---"BEANEE WEENEES!"

I hope they gave him a big fine office, a bonus,

and erected a statute to him, wherever Van

Camps is located.

For you see and know, (if you read much at all),

that most hikers, bird-watchers, hunters, and

outdoor people (check Creek Stewart)--- have

what they call "Bug-Out-Bags," These bags are

ready to go at all times, in case of emergencies.

Which we all hope will never come.

These bags are filled with a versatile Swiss Army

knife, a heavier survival sheath knife, a small

aluminum-looking space blanket, .22 ammo and

piece, Advil, a spoon, socks, Fruit-of-the-Looms,

parachute cord, waterproof matches, compass,

Faulkner's "As I Lay Dying," and canned foods.

Yes---pork 'n beans, Beanee Weenees, small

cans of fruit cocktail, peaches, and pears...

oh, oh, almost forgot the biggie---SPAM.

I am loving this quiet time often Christmas,

quiet---except for this marvelous storm 

blowing just outside my attic window, and

whistling through the vent crack...

I think I'll just open me a can of those Beanee

Weenees, up there in the shelf, and get a chunk

of cheese out of my Avanti former-office-fridge

and wash it all down with a big NEHI-GRAPE!

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

**************

By MIL

12/27/16

l