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"YES, PLEASE, I'LL HAVE SECONDS!"
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This post will likely get me in trouble with the many lady readers who are among the social cognoscenti---and possibly with some editors I know.
Nonetheless, we men must speak out! I'm carrying the ball here, guys for you today! Some things must be said!
First, let me set the stage for my remarks. Many of us have been in our lives---hard-working, growing, hungry guys. Maybe you have had a hard day at the office, you get home tired, and the wife reminds you that you have a soiree to attend. You hurriedly get your shower, don your party togs and---time to go!
It is a nice occasion with lots of interesting and important people there. It is usually in a residence, perhaps, and if it is in wintertime, there is no spilling of the crowd into the backyard or patio. Thus sometimes there are wall-to-wall people; if someone died, you might not know it 'til the party was over. You've been to several of those. But I digress....
You get to the party in your fresh duds and after the proper greetings, you, with your big appetite head for the TABLE...THE SPREAD! Over numerous shoulders you espy the table with a giant platter with half slices of ham and some hard rolls next to it. There is a platter of pepper jack, provolone, and American cheeses. There is a crock pot at one end of the table with cute little meat balls in sauce, and on the other end a crock pot of little cocktail wieners in sauce.
Over there is a big platter of celery sticks, radishes, cherry tomatoes, carrot sticks, and cauliflower pieces---all surrounding a delicious creamy-looking dip! There are olives of several kinds, including my favorite pimento olives. There are pickles! For fruit lovers there is a spread of grapes, pineapple chinks, mandarin orange slices, apple slices, mangos, and cheese squares!
Right in the middle of the table, sits a big bowl (over a candle) of chile con queso---that ever-wonderful MUST for any party. Around it are bowls of blue nacho chips, regular nacho chips, and potato chips! There are bowls of mayo, mustard, and horse radish scattered around!
Okay, you've got the picture. So, I finally get to the edge of the table of food and there I see my old friend, Ed. "Hey, Ed, how ya' doing? This is a great spread, huh? Er, where are the plates?"
"There," Ed says. "Where?" I say. He points to a stack of little bitty flimsy paper saucers. "No, I mean---THE MAIN PLATES, where are they?" "That's them," Ed says, careless with his English, and continuing: "What you see is what you get---that's all the plates!"
You know the story, guys. You get your roll and ham, and there goes two-thirds of your saucer space. You fill in around the edges with whatever food you can, regretting the loss of what you can't. The queso runs under it all and you wind up with cheesy grapes, cauliflower, apple slices. et.al. Then you realize you need some chips for your spread-out queso, but alas there is no room---they fall off the top of your little saggy paper saucer. Who dreamed-up this plan anyway?
"YES, PLEASE, I'LL HAVE SECONDS!"
*****************************************
This post will likely get me in trouble with the many lady readers who are among the social cognoscenti---and possibly with some editors I know.
Nonetheless, we men must speak out! I'm carrying the ball here, guys for you today! Some things must be said!
First, let me set the stage for my remarks. Many of us have been in our lives---hard-working, growing, hungry guys. Maybe you have had a hard day at the office, you get home tired, and the wife reminds you that you have a soiree to attend. You hurriedly get your shower, don your party togs and---time to go!
It is a nice occasion with lots of interesting and important people there. It is usually in a residence, perhaps, and if it is in wintertime, there is no spilling of the crowd into the backyard or patio. Thus sometimes there are wall-to-wall people; if someone died, you might not know it 'til the party was over. You've been to several of those. But I digress....
You get to the party in your fresh duds and after the proper greetings, you, with your big appetite head for the TABLE...THE SPREAD! Over numerous shoulders you espy the table with a giant platter with half slices of ham and some hard rolls next to it. There is a platter of pepper jack, provolone, and American cheeses. There is a crock pot at one end of the table with cute little meat balls in sauce, and on the other end a crock pot of little cocktail wieners in sauce.
Over there is a big platter of celery sticks, radishes, cherry tomatoes, carrot sticks, and cauliflower pieces---all surrounding a delicious creamy-looking dip! There are olives of several kinds, including my favorite pimento olives. There are pickles! For fruit lovers there is a spread of grapes, pineapple chinks, mandarin orange slices, apple slices, mangos, and cheese squares!
Right in the middle of the table, sits a big bowl (over a candle) of chile con queso---that ever-wonderful MUST for any party. Around it are bowls of blue nacho chips, regular nacho chips, and potato chips! There are bowls of mayo, mustard, and horse radish scattered around!
Okay, you've got the picture. So, I finally get to the edge of the table of food and there I see my old friend, Ed. "Hey, Ed, how ya' doing? This is a great spread, huh? Er, where are the plates?"
"There," Ed says. "Where?" I say. He points to a stack of little bitty flimsy paper saucers. "No, I mean---THE MAIN PLATES, where are they?" "That's them," Ed says, careless with his English, and continuing: "What you see is what you get---that's all the plates!"
You know the story, guys. You get your roll and ham, and there goes two-thirds of your saucer space. You fill in around the edges with whatever food you can, regretting the loss of what you can't. The queso runs under it all and you wind up with cheesy grapes, cauliflower, apple slices. et.al. Then you realize you need some chips for your spread-out queso, but alas there is no room---they fall off the top of your little saggy paper saucer. Who dreamed-up this plan anyway?
You jam a few back-up nachos into the pocket of your favorite jacket and begin to wend your way through the crowd, holding your incriminating, overflowing saucer high up, out of harm's way, but, alas, unfortunately where everyone can see it!
You finally make it to a quiet miraculously empty seat in a corner, lamenting the fact that you didn't have any room for those wonderful little meat balls down at the other end of the table, and you forgot to get a beverage. Not to worry, if I survive the crowd, I'll go back for seconds and maybe try to make out a meal here.
When the party's over, the hostesses will be cleaning up and analyzing. "The food was a great hit with everybody, don't you think, Myrtle!" "Oh yes, and did you notice Ed's friend--he went back for seconds!"
So, ladies, from the guys: accept our kudos for good parties and great food! But please get rid of those horrendous, saggy, little paper saucers----
And get us some "MAN PLATES!"
*********30*********
BY MIL
11/22/12
Sent from my iPad
You finally make it to a quiet miraculously empty seat in a corner, lamenting the fact that you didn't have any room for those wonderful little meat balls down at the other end of the table, and you forgot to get a beverage. Not to worry, if I survive the crowd, I'll go back for seconds and maybe try to make out a meal here.
When the party's over, the hostesses will be cleaning up and analyzing. "The food was a great hit with everybody, don't you think, Myrtle!" "Oh yes, and did you notice Ed's friend--he went back for seconds!"
So, ladies, from the guys: accept our kudos for good parties and great food! But please get rid of those horrendous, saggy, little paper saucers----
And get us some "MAN PLATES!"
*********30*********
BY MIL
11/22/12
Sent from my iPad
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