I HATE THE "WHITE ELEPHANT" GIFT THING, DON'T YOU?

Now that Christmas is over, can we talk? Can you think of anything worse than a forty-five minute speech? In my opinion, there IS one thing worse. A "White Elephant" gift party. Such parties are particularly favored by groups of school faculties, clubs, classes, and church groups.

One thing about them is that they never advertise in advance: "CAUTION--party may last interminably. BYOP, bring your own pajamas." Never, other than speeches, as noted above, have I ever found anything so boring.  Here are some objections:

(1) For one thing, this is the time when all notorious "re-gifters" come out of the woodwork.
Unwanted gifts from previous years, or decades, surface and make their appearances. Defenders of WEG parties will say that the above is well and good; it is a "side benefit" of the party. You see, changes of ownership and cleaning out the closet is of benefit to society and the larger cosmic scheme of things. Good to know.

(2) And I always get my heart broken: that worthless thing I really wanted and held in my very own hands for a short time...is appropriated by someone else.

(3) Yes, by that one who comes...with a leer, smug, clever-looking, self-righteous--not just walking--but sashaying, traipsing, even prancing...so proud of themselves...and I, with no recourse, no appeal, no remedy...have to give up my neat, beloved, and worthless re-gift.

(4) And how about a WHOLE school faculty White Elephant party with 45 people, seated in a seemingly never-ending circle of chairs? Just close your eyes and imagine this event. Let's also understand that some of them are "feeling no pain," (if you get my drift). I mean, when is this ever going to end? And have you ever heard the word: CACOPHONY? This is IT!

This goes on interminably. Things that were hilarious during the first hour-and-a-half and first twenty-five people are starting to wear a little thin. It's repetitive. What? Are they starting over?!
FOREVER, it goes on. Announcement: "Break out your pajamas if you have them."
(Me: "zzz-zzz-zz"); (Wife: "Honey, it's over, let's go home, it's 2 a.m."); (Me: "Hooray! What did we wind up with.?") (She: "Oh, it's cute- a glass manatee with a hole in the top that you fill with water, and people put out their cigarettes in it!"); (Me: "Just wonderful.")

So dear friends, do you get my point? Okay, you might convince me, if you are a proponent of the WEG party, and you have a small one--say four or six people. Soon it's OVER AND DONE---I'm GONE; sayonara, adios, hasta luego, BYE BYE. See you next year for caroling, (I hope!)

But, really, a White Elephant Gift party--not for me. A silly idea. Thanks, but I'll pass. Never again.

Unless I'm invited.

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