A cold norther has blown into town on this,
the second day after Christmas, and things
being much quieter by far since the kids have
all gone home, I'm sitting up here in my cozy
attic, a little log in the woodstove, the wind
whistling around the house, the old mulberry
branch slapping under the window, and I'm
studying my larder shelf of canned goodies!
I was cozied here, having coffee from an heirloom
chrome percolator, vintage 1960's, and just
relaxing---taking a break from reading "The
Poetry of William Carlos Williams," my eyes
settled on (why I do not know)--- a can of Van
Camp's Pork 'n Beans.
(Those of you who have kept up with my. attic
stories know that I have a "knocked -together"
rustic raw wood pine shelf filled with Wolf's
chili, Hormel tamales, canned tuna, canned
salmon ((small cans---which I eat "raw")),
Vienna sausage, Dinty Moore Beef Stew, and
sardines in tomato sauce!) Plus SPAM.
The age-old question was nagging at my
mind: "Where is the PORK...in those pork-
and beans?" You'd think Van Camps, with
their excellent, amazing product would---of
all companies---show the world---SOME
PORK!
I know, I know---what you're going to say---
"Hey, haven't you seen that little tiny square
white thing, amongst the beans? You dummy,
THAT is the pork!" "Doncha know?!"
All possible joking and levity aside, let's
be serious. "From time immemorial," as they
love to say at weddings, pork 'n beans seem
to have been with us.
Even before some West Texas highways were
paved, and when gas pumps were uprights;
and there were no McDonald's, and people
didn't have the money anyway---filling stations
all sold cheese, crackers, and pork 'n beans.
A self-respecting hunter of half a century ago
and earlier would not have been found in the
wild without his can(s) of beans, Vienna sausages,
an onion, and maybe some crumbled crackers
in his old kit bag.
Sometime later, a miracle occurred in the halls
of Van Camp Company. Some innovative young
outdoorsman invented (TA DUM, TA DUM !!!
DRUM ROLL) ---"BEANEE WEENEES!"
I hope they gave him a big fine office, a bonus,
and erected a statute to him, wherever Van
Camps is located.
For you see and know, (if you read much at all),
that most hikers, bird-watchers, hunters, and
outdoor people (check Creek Stewart)--- have
what they call "Bug-Out-Bags," These bags are
ready to go at all times, in case of emergencies.
Which we all hope will never come.
These bags are filled with a versatile Swiss Army
knife, a heavier survival sheath knife, a small
aluminum-looking space blanket, .22 ammo and
piece, Advil, a spoon, socks, Fruit-of-the-Looms,
parachute cord, waterproof matches, compass,
Faulkner's "As I Lay Dying," and canned foods.
Yes---pork 'n beans, Beanee Weenees, small
cans of fruit cocktail, peaches, and pears...
oh, oh, almost forgot the biggie---SPAM.
I am loving this quiet time often Christmas,
quiet---except for this marvelous storm
blowing just outside my attic window, and
whistling through the vent crack...
I think I'll just open me a can of those Beanee
Weenees, up there in the shelf, and get a chunk
of cheese out of my Avanti former-office-fridge
and wash it all down with a big NEHI-GRAPE!
**************
By MIL
12/27/16
l